Re-entering

So it has been awhile since I have posted but it's hard to know what to write...

This world is not my home. I have always loved tradition but guess I got so used to different traditions, strong community, and a different language. Honestly, I feel weird or uncomfortable in a group of more than 3 people. When did this happen? How did I get so lost and confused in a place I should know? Part of me knows I need to let go of the past and part of me doesn't even want to talk about it but my other half can't let go.

It has been nice to reunite with family and some friends but sometimes hard because I am not who I was three years ago. I don't always know how to react, coming from a quiet culture into a loud one I have to learn how to adjust these changes in a tangible way.

Not to mention technology, what is this thing called twitter? Where are the internet cafe's? Everyone has wireless internet on their phone and they pay ridiculous amounts for that? How do I even change the layout of a blog? It will be okay I just need time and people to have patience with me as I adjust to life here again working and studying will help. Hopefully I can find a decent job soon!

Traveling Mercies

Two days ago I left or maybe three (having been at hour 43 of 45 on my journey my body is mixed up)Vientiane, Laos. Before my flight a dear friend came and hung out with me while we waited for my ride( another friend who is married with a child).We then all crammed into her little car with my stuff.

M, my friend with a child, helped me get through baggage after having to buy a new bag (overweight stuff apparently you have to have an extra bag) she quickly helped me to organize my stuff. They didn't make me pay overweight just carry the newly bought bag( total Froggy, sticky rice basket, purse and two backpacks on hand. Yowzers!) I also had left my boarding pass at the counter with my passport in the process. Just like my mom, when things unexpected come up in unexpected times I sometimes get a bit loopy. Well, that is just the beginning of my journey....

After a few pictures with friends and finding a friend who had been waiting for me in a different area I proceeded to the gates. Saying my goodbyes and amazingly without crying! (Well, at least till they stamped my passport)

First stop- Bangkok Having 3 hours which quickly turned to 30 minutes by the time I finally made it to where I was suppose to be and not having a boarding pass yet I realized I had left my purse in security. When they had patted me down because I forgot to take off my jacket. It was down the escalator how would I ever get down and back. I spotted an elevator for the handicap and took it while a guard gestured no I said in Lao " I forgot my purse!" He understood after proving it was mine I quickly made it upstairs and on to my flight woo....

Second stop- Tapei-just a lot of running around, security check and then onto a plane with literally no down time.

Third stop- San Fransisco-quickly made it through customs, rechecked two bags in and got my tickets- Chatted with some guards, got some food, talked with a few friends. Then off to Dallas. The flight was awful, so much turbulence. It made me sick, but I checked in my two bags (down to Froggy, sticky rice container and a purse) a plus of a full flight.

Fourth stop- Dallas/Ft. Worth- got some food after a long ride. After all I had 4 hours to spare. Remember that sometimes when your stomach hurts it is not because you are hungry. Got kind of sick(spare you details :( ),bought water to feel better and then began browsing the airport for the right gate. After going back and forth between three gates I finally lost it. I started crying pulled out my computer and paid for Internet to call my mom. Don't know if the tears were from exhaustion, sadness, fear of the future or just disorientation or maybe all combined but talks with moms do wonders! Finally found my gate after talking with a few friends on the Internet and waiting 3 hours in front of the sign that has all the gates listed. I planted myself after a lady had been a bit rude to me when I asked a question. I hate it when people are unkind, maybe I just read her wrong(happens sometimes) but you would think if they are worn out they would empathize not terrorize others, oh well...

Almost home one more flight to go..Sometimes parents are so wise it is that power shot down from heaven that little Colton in the book I just finished reading talks about. I believe that power is wisdom from our Father. My mommy said "Don't think about things for a few days, just relax, you can always face them later just pretend that things aren't what they are, at least not yet. Be good to your body till your body can handle it." While I can't put things off forever a few days won't hurt and going to see Michael Buble with mom is also helpful. Gives me something fun to look forward to. Look forward to catching up with many of you these next few weeks!!!

Dreams

I am in the process of minimizing things, an ever failing battle for a woman who loves papers! haha! Anyways I found a poem I wrote in the 7th or 8th grade. I wrote it from a child's perspective. Boy did I think I was grown up then, but sometimes it is our childish dreams that help us when we are older. May I never lose the child in me and have faith that moves mountains physically, spiritually and mentally. Father, please help to keep me of sound mind.
Here is the poem:

1. I went up to my daddy,
He often scared me,
But today I had an important question?
And I knew the only one who knew the answer was He

2. I asked my daddy? What do I want to be? His approval was important to me.

3. He looked at me and smiled but before a word was allowed. I blurted out maybe a rap artist who makes lots of sounds or

4. A firefighter who listens for the bell
Who shoots water in the air
Helps people out if they fell (not proper English but hey I was a 7th grader heheh I think maybe I did it on purpose to emphasize innocent child like minds)
Runs up and down the stairs because he or she cares
But then

5. Maybe I'll be a dancer
So graceful and all
But what if only brother Billy and his hamster watch
That would be a terrible fall
So I could be

6. A teacher of those younger or small
I'd read them books
And tell them I love them all
Teach them to count and never give up

7. But maybe that's not it
I could be a zoo keeper
With a parakeet on my shoulder
Nut what if he tells me Sally Sue you are getting older

8. There would be tigers to tame
And lions with beautiful mains and exotic animals galore

9. Oh but daddy I don't know
Which path I should go
And tomorrow in class I must say

10. I want to stand proud
In front of the crowd
Maybe a speaker I'll be
Or the first woman president just wait and see

11. Daddy oh daddy what shall I be?
Then he responded ever so patiently
Oh Sally Sue any of these could be you
Never quit your dreams
It's what's inside you that bears true means

12. I stared confused and he went on
It doesn't matter what you do

13. It's who you are
Uniquely you
I'll be proud as long as you use your strengths

14. Like what I interrupted
He went on
The gifts of love and loyalty you bear
An ability to dream and imagine what is out there
Make the best of whatever you do
And I'll always love you

15. Sally Sue you're my shining star
whether a rapper, firefighter, dancer, teacher, zoo keeper, speaker or president
That is what you are

16. He hugged me and I understood
As an adult today there are no would
Have beens
But only possibilities and coulds

Thank you heavenly father for giving me an earthly father and the reminder that no matter where life takes me you will always love and take care of me.

Fat or (Dewey)

So in the past few days I have learned that apparently if you sweat a lot it is because you're fat, but if a boy sweats and he is skinny it means he is healthy and strong also that if you are fat it might be because you think too much. I live in such a logical world!!

Tomorrow morning I will go to my friends house dedication ceremony(penny) at 430 am please keep me in your thoughts. I was going to stay with her tonight but I just didn't have the energy. Please lift up that his light will shine through me and that I could continue to speak truth into her life.

P.s-it is pouring down rain and lightning and thundering right now so who knows when I'll get another chance to send this and the power keeps going on and off.

Every tribe tongue and nation will join in song for the Lord

Last night as I sat at a friend's house with 20 0ther people and said goodbye to yet another friend I couldn't help but feel joy and sadness at the same time. Since coming to Laos I have a new found joy in singing hymns and an even greater joy in hearing them in another language. As people sang in Japanese, French, Madagascan, Indonesian, Irish, and a few other languages my heart was full. In such a transient place the Father has brought so many people of different cultures together to walk, talk and live life together. Could I be more blessed? But with this blessing always comes the pain that at some point people return home. Yet still I know I am never alone for He is always by my side.

Father be by my side as I teach today help me to know the best way to communicate your love and educate my students. Thanks for being my redeemer. May I live for you and not myself, loving myself as I am, your daughter. Give me strength to face today and tomorrow. Thanks for not only being my Father but friend for suffering so that I might be set free. May I not too easily forget that it is because of you I am free and that is why I am capable of anything good, for all great things come from the Father above and He gives these to those who love Him. Thanks Father.

He is so good He's so good to me

Man our Father is so good. He allowed me to see a friend I dearly love two days in a row, have a wonderful conversation with three good friends and one more scheduled for Friday morning and a good chat with my mom. He is slowly but surely calming my anxious heart. Where He leads me I will follow.

Today I go to Pakse ( a city down south) to visit a friend from my first year here that I lived with. She is now married and has a child.Today a good friends sister will take me to the bus station. I can't wait but am also a bit nervous as I travel alone. It is so easy to have up and down's. As friendships drift away I struggle not to be sad whether it is from them or me but I am glad that we can always meet up where we left off. I have had 3 people cancel on me in the last day and a half, makes it difficult to keep trying but must persist. 6 hours with nothing to do maybe rest go for a walk then go to my friends house a bit late b/c she won't even be there.

You see I don't let too many people inside but once I do there is no escaping for you. She is one of the few I let in deep and losing this friendship will hurt if it ever gets to that point, but have I really lost it for good or can it be found? Only our Father knows.

Give me strength for the things of life that boggle me down.

On a random note I noticed that in 3 years I have never written a November post. November and December are always the hardest months emotionally for me. What does that tell you....hmmm????

Letting go of Fear

Vision so clear
Eyes so dear
The red of the wine
The cup from the vine
oh wine wine
so tender so sweet
Bitter
We meet
The good and the bad
Happy yet sad
My heart filled with tears
Throat chokes back
My head filled with thoughts of years
I can never get back
Yet nothing have I lost
Nothing have I gained
That is visible they say
But so much past
To gain is to lose
The ultimate blast
The clouds above me
Who knows the weather the sky holds
The balloon pushing its way
trying to understand the worlds mold
Path A or B
What do I decide
The rain or the sunshine
The fresh smelling air or the burn
Soon it is my turn
Nothing forgotten
But a feeling of loss
yet not truly losing anything
But gaining the cross
With it I will walk by His side
Father be thy guide
No matter the fear
For though art greater
My dear deer
My dear deer