It has been a week since my roommate left and last weekend I was sick but had sweet friends watch over me. This week I stayed with a friend one night but have mostly stayed alone. I feel so lonely. When I was little I used to sing the song "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me! Guess I'll go eat worms..long fat slimy ones itsy bitsy fuzzy ones......." whenever I felt lonely. Lately I have wished I had that CD to blare, even though it is not true the fact of there being something more disgusting than being alone makes me happy! I am going through a lot of changes and don't handle change very well but I am learning to trust and believe more and more in the Father through these struggles. My goal is not to focus on me but others and what the Father is trying to teach me b/c ultimately it is not about ME!(despite what my pride wants to think or say).
I like it when people stay but then I have to entertain them and it takes so much energy and it is not hard if one friend stays one day and another another day on my friends but it is hard on me. I get more done when I am around other people but alone it is hard to get motivated so what do I do? If I am always entertaining others I still get nothing done. Please uplift that I will find a balance. I feel like this summer and next semester are going to have many deserts and valleys.
As I mentioned in my last post songs have really ministered to me a lot through out my life, words, books and anything paper.
Please ask that the Father helps me as "i will go through the fire if (He)wants me to, it may not be the way I would have chosen as (He) lead me through a world that's not my home, but (He) never said it would be easy (HE) only said I'd never go alone so when the whole world turns against me and I'm all by myself and I cant hear (Him) answer my cries for help I'll remember the suffering (His) love put you through and I will go through the valley(Because He) want(s) me to" by Ginny Owens
I will remember I am never truly alone, that He is sovereign and his love endures forever
That I will be diligent despite my desire to be lazy and get the necessary work done! (that is grading and stuff like that)
Know how/who and what to do with people and when to be alone. I don't like always being alone but I definitely need it sometimes. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated!
Most importantly that my words and deeds would glorify the Father!
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