So this week I had a week completely off...I thought to myself hmm...what will I do? I'll get my insurance set up for next year and my newsletter database but neither one happened...I thought..hmmm..i'll connect with friends and love on them but none of it happened(at least not to the degree I expected)...on top of that every day changed.....
Monday-doctored up my roommate...tried to talk to the parents but they were busy...ate lunch at the language school..then watched a movie.
Tuesday- a friend was going to come over and watch a movie. Hung out in the office all morning...went home took a nap. Got severely confused b/c another friend told a friend of a friend( are you still following? very Lao) that they had plans to hang out.. This was fine but when I asked my friend that morning she said she would have to talk with her sister. She didn't end up doing either b/c she was too tired. I later told her if she had wanted to hang out with the other friend it would have been fine I just didn't want her to feel like she had to lie to me. I get so mixed up with all the indirectness in culture but I still love all my friends. Some friends and there 3 kids ended up coming over and eating dinner and playing games with us anyways. Thank goodness for last minute planning...
Wednesday- Glee night-originally it was just going to be me and one other friend but word spread quick and people were upset they weren't invited and then none of them ended up coming...haah so typical. Oh and a former student called wanting to hangout Friday morning.
Thursday- hung out in office. Some people invited themselves to our house for dinner on Friday not sure if they will actually come but we will see...student called seeing if we could hang out in the afternoon instead...went to a marvelous evening study but got lost for about 30 minutes on the way there and driving home was terrified of how awful people were driving just b/c they thought no one was out...running lights...wrong side of the road for long distances when there were medians...pretty sure a few drunk drivers sped past me.....geez!
Friday- cleaned-just in case people actually come over, had a great morning with the Father(something that has actually been really wonderful this week, having plenty of time to dwell in his word and talk with Him), former student called and said how about 6pm? I told her umm..people are coming over 5:00 or 5:30. She said pick me up at 5 we'll see if she is ready then or not and whether or not she will stay the night or I have to make the 45 minute trek 4 times today! Then I was supposed to have lunch with a dear friend who is in a funk..got to the restaurant and called her(we planned this on Wednesday) she forgot....she apologized profusely and told me next time she would text me she doesn't cancel very much so I believe she was truly sorry but it still hurts a bit....
You see sometimes I wonder why my confidence shifts....is it this hard to spend a single hour with a friend in America? Maybe, but things always seem to come up here . Today I realized that I take this personally a lot when really they don't mean it that way....hundreds of years of chaos..controlling parents and random emergencies that happen all the time keep people from making commitments b/c they know they cannot keep them...so how do you have friends?
PATIENCE-Thank goodness the Father has given me a persevering spirit. I don't tend to give up on people no matter how hurt I feel. I want to seek to understand instead of remain angry. As I transition into new work this year I will do my best to love those around me, especially the teachers I work with but I do fear some of the inevitable pain of losing friends....not b/c I want to but b/c the time I spend seeking after them might be in vain...I always have to work around their schedule...I ask that you would ask the Father for wisdom in this area especially that of knowing when to let go and when to hang on in a culture where you are always left hanging...I know I will be presented with many challenges either way and that just b/c I reach out to a new crowd doesn't mean I won't encounter some of the same disappointments. I guess I shouldn't say lose friends as much as our relationships changing from deep to shallow or distanced..I don't know which is worse, but I do hope to still have some close friends...
I also need to remember that although people may disappoint me that doesn't mean I am a disappointment or failure. The Father still loves me and just b/c they disappoint me it doesn't mean they don't care in fact probably the opposite they just don't want to hurt me...everything here is so backwards and yet still I know it is where I am supposed to be right now...
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