This morning on my way to school I was listening to the radio. I have been overwhelmed by the workload I have to do, the lack of sleep I have, the newness of so many things around me, and the yearning for the familiar. Longing for familiar friends, faces, smells, etc.. wondering if I'll ever quit questioning or second guessing myself and things on this side of the world, but knowing I probably did it on the other side of the world too. It just looked different. It's been over a year and still I can't help but miss my old friends, their companionship, their encouragement but most of all their wanting to be with me.
We live in such a busy busy world. Not that Laos isn't busy but they make time. They still build walls just different kinds and their individualism isn't so strong so no matter the pain everyone is included till it's not painful anymore. For someone who thrives on quality time as a means of feeling loved being American is no easy task! Granted I still have some amazing friends and this is not to down on those around me because you cannot be held accountable for what you do not know or have never experienced I'm just saying it's hard so here me out. I'll get to my point...Hang in there :) By no means is this a pity party it is just meant to encourage those other discouraged and drained stuck in the humdrum of holiday despair.
Anyways, back to my story...The radio..."Join us today on Facebook by clicking like. We are trying to get 10 million likes before Thanksgiving. If you like us you just might win..." I don't even remember what you would win but the idea was that you were thankful for this radio station and to remember what you were thankful for. Not making fun of the radio station but I laughed to myself and thought "What if I said "I'm thankful I don't have more stuff?" How would they react to that?" It got me thinking. I spend so much time alone in my own thoughts, surrounded by interwoven groups of people so closely knit. You know those figure 8 shaped toys were the ball goes back and forth and back and forth but never really lands anywhere well that's me. I'm the ball. Are you too? It's crazy because it's a dual comparison, in many ways today. So now we're almost full circle. Back to the title.
All this got me thinking "Okay, they wouldn't accept that answer, but what would they accept?" Ahh, I got it! I'm thankful for covers! What? Yeah I said it! Covers! My abstract mind kept twirling... My room has always been a safe haven to me and I've been lucky enough to either share it with someone who made me feel safe or have it to myself a luxury not all have! I'm thankful for my covers literally and physically. The periwinkle purple that I crawl under for my 30 minute naps or cry under after a long day. The covers of good friends who may not be able to relate or may but can't help me because It's not their role.They don't operate in these circles and friendship takes time! The covers of friends who watch out for me when family can't. The covers of comfort and many other luxuries that don't cost me a dime. I'm thankful for family that provides food and even things that do cost but really how many masters do I try to serve?
Then I got to thinking- blankets. Hmm...what do I let blanket me? Take that joy away? Fear? Insecurity? Do I let my covers turn into just a blanket and become a raft on the sea of overwhelming papers, feelings, etc or do I cover myself with the grace and mercy which I so readily want to give in my mess of a room that I feel sometimes I'm sinking in? Am I so overwhelmed that anger consumes me and I'm no good to anyone? Am I taking care of myself or just making it through the day. My professor underlines and comments on these journals we turn in and once I wrote " I got through" for a person who loves words I definitely wasn't thinking. Another time I wrote"I'm going to try to get all this done by...." she crossed out try so it read I'm going to get all this done by... Sometimes an attitude check is so hard, especially when your that child who no one wants to partner with or your the last one to get picked every time at recess. Rejection stinks, trust me I know. You can try to force your way in and feel just as lonely if not more than if you had just gone somewhere/done something by yourself, but don't give up! There is no way you are alone!
The Sovereign King's robe longs to cover you if you'll just let him. Accept where you are. His blood was/is enough for anything you have/will go through. One of my best friends who is also going through a tough time constantly reminds me to take it one day at a time or moment if that is all you can handle. I haven't blogged in awhile b/c I haven't had time to think but I thought this thought was a must share. It's not about how much you know or even who you know but the lives you touch and the bits of heaven you put into others. Whether through laughter or tears, He meets you there and He is the only thing that never fails!
So this Thanksgiving if all you can be thankful for is the fact that you had the strength to get out of bed and made it to work, or were able to hold your tongue. Well, that's great. He understands. Or that you didn't cringe when you had to do this or that, you didn't laugh at so and so, or did laugh at their lame jokes, etc.. you get the picture. That's okay! Remember those covers and don't let the blankets overwhelm you. It's all just a matter of perception and the lens you put on. I like to think that the Lord's eyes are like a Kaleidoscope he sees many angles all broken and mixed that make a beautiful picture and we only see one, so hang in there and give Thanks because its one of the few things that even with nothing you can still do!And you'll be surprised at how much easier it is to overcome those blankets and see the covers beneath which will help both you and those around you! Trust me I know from experience. It's okay not to be okay and even that you can be thankful for. You might hate me right now and that's okay too, at least you can feel..LOL! Yeah I know I'm impossible but really what are you thankful for?
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