Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Great Aunt Mary

My older brother and I / Aunt Mary and my older brother / Gran Gran and I

June 26, 2010 my great Aunt Mary, often just referred to as Aunt Mary died... She was an amazing women. My Gran Gran (grandmother)would have never made it through this life without her. Gran Gran never got anything done. They were such a good pair. She was the tough older sister and my Gran Gran was the innocent loving one. Both were amazing story tellers and such caring people. Aunt Mary wasn't compassionate but always made things happen. Gran Gran was the dreamer and Aunt Mary was the one who made the dreams a reality. Their mother died when Aunt Mary was 13. Ironically, this 96 year old outlived her two younger siblings that she helped raise. She was ready to go home. I have fond memories of Aunt Mary and Gran Gran together and all the fun we had together. The stories about their childhood, the gift of perserverance they passed on which I know must come some from the Hogan side.

Aunt Mary was either Mary Allene or Allene Mary. She said her birth certificate didn't specify. She was such a hoot, always telling stories of places she hadn't really been but knowing enough about them for it to seem pretty accurate. She always said what she thought. Sometimes I wish I was more honest like her but other times I am so greatful that I am not because of the trouble she often got herself into, and my heart just isn't the same as hers. She had a strength I don't think I will ever have.

Aunt Mary was often with my Gran Gran growing up trying to set her straight even if Gran Gran didn't fill it was necessary. I remember when Uncle Dick(the middle child) died she even kept nudging my Gran Gran and making her sit up straight when my poor Gran Gran was no longer capable of this. They always made me laugh but they loved one another deeply. I am so thankful for those Aunt Mary's in my life.

I am so thankful for such a wonderful family, but especially for my older brother who has been my Aunt Mary throughout my life. We may have our disagreements but we make a good pair. He is my polar opposite and although I know my older sister and younger brother love me it is the older brother who pushes me to perserve. Thanks Shane!

Saturday, June 26, 2010


Numbers seem a good way of keeping track of things- today I came to a few realizations

1. While walking downtown soccer has a lot of commercials and I guess it is in Africa yeah I am not a huge sports fan if you can't tell but I think some people actually watch it b/c of the commercials like the super bowl...hmmm...strange

2. Movies come out again and again...there really is nothing new under the sun! Alice in Wonderland, Karate Kid, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory....how many versions of one movie will our children have and will creativity seize to exist

3. I will always forget words that I just learn in Lao maybe not know the tone or grammar structure but still someone will understand. For example, today my neighbor told me I wear pearls a lot (well, one particular necklace it was my Nana's so of course I wear it) she also told me the word for commercial already forget them both.

4.I will always make new friends but have a hard time letting go of old ones for those who know me well know that once you are my friend you're my friend for life.

5.Changes are inevitable they suck but the Father has great things in store. Lastly a poem to sum it all up

There are no such things as coincidences
Only miracles ordained from the Father above
There are times when the heart seems to stop beating
And life seems odd, eerie, beck(strange) to say the least
But under every prince(princess) is a beast and a beast under every prince(princess)

Things that happen
These miracles
Mostly are friends
Though they may wither
Tear and be mended
Loved like old shoes
That can't be reprimanded
Re-styled, molded like the potters clay
It is a glimpse of eternity
On earth today

SO why when they leave
Do our hearts ache?
Why when we ponder ventures anew
Do our hearts break?
Bonds severed
Though hopefully most not for eternity
It is the light in life that makes these things be

For khons(people) are khons(people)
No matter what race
No matter what pathway the Father has them or us take

But pain is pain
In all various forms
It is the Father who gives us strength
To think we mourn then how much more does He mourn?
For everything he can see
Oh the word grief it pains me

He knows the windows
He knows the doors
For each miracle he floods in
Is more fabulous before
Granted it is based on the truth forevermore
For truth should abound from core to core
But oh closeness in all precision varies
Look at the load He carries
Drop yours, it, at his feet
Knowing there is hope there is more

More pain, more love
More learning, more sawn(teaching)
More tears, more laughter, more joy..joy..joy...
ecetera to infinite finite score

Though distance may separate and hearts change
Hopefully in wisdom and stature they gain
For what a blessing to know so many Godly friends
Even if it short for in this world one friendship mends
A piece of heart and through pain life must start

So next time you think what a coincidence
Remember miracle instead
That the heart hasn't stopped beating only gotten more read
And when life seems odd, eerie, beck(strange) to say the least
Remember you have a choice
Will you choose to take this change and be the princess/prince or the beast?

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Walking through the Daniel Fire

It has been a week since my roommate left and last weekend I was sick but had sweet friends watch over me. This week I stayed with a friend one night but have mostly stayed alone. I feel so lonely. When I was little I used to sing the song "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me! Guess I'll go eat worms..long fat slimy ones itsy bitsy fuzzy ones......." whenever I felt lonely. Lately I have wished I had that CD to blare, even though it is not true the fact of there being something more disgusting than being alone makes me happy! I am going through a lot of changes and don't handle change very well but I am learning to trust and believe more and more in the Father through these struggles. My goal is not to focus on me but others and what the Father is trying to teach me b/c ultimately it is not about ME!(despite what my pride wants to think or say).

I like it when people stay but then I have to entertain them and it takes so much energy and it is not hard if one friend stays one day and another another day on my friends but it is hard on me. I get more done when I am around other people but alone it is hard to get motivated so what do I do? If I am always entertaining others I still get nothing done. Please uplift that I will find a balance. I feel like this summer and next semester are going to have many deserts and valleys.

As I mentioned in my last post songs have really ministered to me a lot through out my life, words, books and anything paper.

Please ask that the Father helps me as "i will go through the fire if (He)wants me to, it may not be the way I would have chosen as (He) lead me through a world that's not my home, but (He) never said it would be easy (HE) only said I'd never go alone so when the whole world turns against me and I'm all by myself and I cant hear (Him) answer my cries for help I'll remember the suffering (His) love put you through and I will go through the valley(Because He) want(s) me to" by Ginny Owens

I will remember I am never truly alone, that He is sovereign and his love endures forever

That I will be diligent despite my desire to be lazy and get the necessary work done! (that is grading and stuff like that)

Know how/who and what to do with people and when to be alone. I don't like always being alone but I definitely need it sometimes. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated!

Most importantly that my words and deeds would glorify the Father!