Friday, July 20, 2012

In the midst of fire God eventually always provides rain

Two weeks ago I began a new chapter of my life. I have set off for my Master's in teaching. It is always hard to do new things that cause one to be challenged. This past year has been a really hard year of transition and loneliness at times. I have sometimes felt like such an outsider but the Lord continues to teach me through so many things and use me in so many ways. He continues to answer prayers and quiet my fears as I turn to him.

Some days I feel inadequate. How can I do this? What have I gotten myself into? Will it be just as lonely in school as last year? How will I start over making friends? Questions boggle my mind but today I must reminded myself the Lord provides....

First-Friends don't happen overnight and in an intense class I was afraid that no one would talk to me and at first really no one did, but then one kind soul, and remember that's all it takes is one talked.  I didn't have the opportunity to sit next to her for a few days and drifted like the vagabond that I am constantly reminded this earth is not my home, trying to remind myself that everyone was stressed about school work and just trying to get everything done, but even a question or a silly remark would have been nice. Since then we have had 3 simple conversations, one completely through text but I'll take what I can get.

Secondly-This same person is a believer and I asked her if she would be interested in having a bible study at the school we will be at next year to which she replied someone else had asked so I emailed her. We still haven't talked but there is hope of it happening. I don't want to micromanage and I want people to feel involved so we will see what happens.

Thirdly- I am low on money and really need to make a budget. I didn't get any of the scholarships I applied for but still feel called to get my Masters. I won a $50 Wal-Mart gift card in the mail today! Oh how he provides and friends keep offering to pay for my meals, super humbling. I am so blessed to have made some really good friends during a difficult transition.

Fourth- As I struggle to catch up to all the growing technology in society and advances in education necessary to teach on top of trying to fit in may the Lord provide me with a clear mind that easily understands complex things so I can spend more time focusing on Him. I have been trying to be diligent about memorizing scripture lately which hopefully will pay off in the future.

If you think about it be praying for 1. friendships in my MAT program 2. Bible study details 3. Finances 4. Clarity of thought for school classes, rest, diligence with time and Him!

Just want to thank those who still take the time out to read this! It means a lot!


I wrote this awhile back  I think around Spring Break in March and did actually end up taking two whole days  this past fall where I spent in prayer but didn't really share it  for fear of rejection, looking back I wonder if I missed out on blessing others but you cannot live in the past. However, looking over it I feel it goes well with what I am about to post and thought why not. It is actually an answer to some of how he provided. After not really having friends in classes in the Spring or really the first week of summer school, wanting to encourage others spiritually but not knowing what that looked like next year and a few others are still in the work but He is so good and I will rejoice in Him! Phil 4:4-12

I miss Laos. I have my fits that come and go but it is still a place dear to my heart. Even when things were rough and tears turned to delirious laughter. I miss that.

The cow who stood in the middle of the unpaved rocky road and the times no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get around him b/c he would move to block my way. The neighbors all staring as I fearfully would try over and over till eventually one would come up to me and tap my shoulder and say in Lao "What do you want from the store?" I'd give them my money and almost always it was "10 eggs" till out of habit when they saw me coming the neighborhood boy would take my money and return 15 minutes later with my eggs, smiling bashfully and sometimes we'd even cook a few and eat them together.

The neighborhood children screaming at all hours of the day "Sao Kat. Sao Kat. Yak lin Yak lin!" Or Miss Kat, Miss Kat we want to play, we want to play and promptly replying very often "It's not Saturday come back Saturday at 3pm but sometimes relentlessly giving in. Or the one neighbor who always sat so quietly while I worked and pretended to read every children's book I owned though I know she probably didn't understand much of it. She just didn't want to be alone, or this same 11 year old driving me to get sticky rice at 10pm b/c every place was closed. Yeah, Lao people are pretty talented. I know I am at least 3X her weight.

I also miss having roommates to share the craziness with, being confused, thinking we've come to an understanding culturally only to realize we are completely wrong! Roommates who want to be with me, hang out with me, love the Lord fervently, and point me closer to Him. Watching movies and fighting over who is going to hold the hot computer b/c if it is in your lap that means you cannot fall asleep!

Friends who call me every day just because they haven't seen me and want to hear my voice, even if it is just for 5 minutes while we listen to "Hak Gan Leo" a Lao pop song sung by expats and laugh together because our brains are fried.

The grass always seems greener on the other side. I have been blessed with some wonderful friends both new and old here, but it's strange to think that in such a spiritually dark place (Laos) in some ways I felt more free than I do here.  This earth is not my home and I may wander it the rest of my life but I know I am here for awhile. I do hope to return but I must be content with my present circumstances.

Right now I still have time to reach out to others, love on them, and share my time, but next year I won't have as much time and this worries me. I don't want to lose myself in myself so much that I forget what is really important to love the Lord no matter the cost and lead others to the cross! He has me here for a reason, well actually several, but that is a topic for another time. I want to be seen as righteous and glorify Him, so the next few days I am tuning out parts of the world-TV, phone,internet, maybe music and car and doing what I learned so well in Laos how to do to not only be a human but to be the being.

I will be praying, writing, dancing, cleaning, crafting and who knows what else I'll come up with. If you want to feel free to stop by anytime but I won't be offended if you don't. If you want prayer or just to be with me or a quiet place free of distractions (as our house has many rooms) you are more than welcome to join. My  hope is to come out of it renewed and caring more about how He can use me than how I can serve myself.