Wow! I find this rather fitting to be my 100th post. Those who follow this know that I am a lover of words, poetry, music, books and whatever form they may take they all minister to my heart and soul. It's been a rough nine months home but I am so thankful for all the Lord is teaching me and one of those things is and always will be who I am in Him. This adaptation of Jessica Andrews song doesn't do Him justice and is a bit cheesy, but hey I like it! It's only part of the song but you could fit in the whole thing. Just wanted to give you the jist of it. Hope it brings a smile to your face as you follow along!

I am God's chosen daughter

Spitting image of my heavenly Father

And when the day is done

My Saviours still my biggest fan

Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy

But I've got a Father in heaven who loves me

And in His glory is where I stand

It's all a part of me

And that's who I am

I am a saint and I'm a sinner

I'm a loser and a winner

I'm redeemed and forgiven

Loving the Lord and others God willing

I am God's chosen daughter

Spitting image of my heavenly Father

And when the day is done

My Saviours still my biggest fan

Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy

But I've got a Father in heaven who loves me

And in His glory is where I stand

It's all a part of me

And that's who I am

Finding Joy

The Lord has been reminding me to find joy amongst pain, just as he did so can I b/c He will never give me more than I can handle.

Laugh and the world laughs with you

Weep and you weep alone

For this sad old earth must borrow it's mirth

But it has troubles enough of its own

Sing and the hills will answer

Sigh it is lost in the air

The echos sound to a joyful sound

But shrink from voicing care

Feast and your halls are crowded

Fast and the world goes by

Succeed and give and it helps you live

But no man can help you die

In the halls of pleasure

There is room for a long and lofty train

But one by one we must all file

Through the narrow aisles of pain

~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

At some point in high school I memorized this poem and have never forgotten it. It is a reminder to me of what the world tells us versus the truth. Yes, suffering is hard. Yes, struggling is hard. Yes, it may be a narrow aisle but we are never alone if we have Christ. We have hope. The other day we were talking about the church as the body, community and/or family. Are we really all of these or any of these to each other?I hope so but in a busy world how often do we take the time to show we care? Think about it, smile when you don't feel like it. You never know who might be weeping inside and might just laugh out in thankfulness for the small pleasures of joy!

My prayer

The Lord has been so good to me and brought me through so much, even when I cannot see past the pain He always brings me through. Prayer has gotten me through so many things in life and I am so thankful that He gives us so many different ways to worship him and for prayer (Him giving himself both literally and physically as a friend when it seems there is no one there.)This is my prayer for the day I hope it encourages you feel free to pray it for yourself too but you don't have to.

Master grant me the ability to do whatever it is you call me to

Humble me under your mighty hand

Waiting till time is due

Bless me with heavenly knowledge and wisdom too

May my eyes not look to the world but you

Casting my cares

Entrusting then to your mighty hand

May you filter them too

Strength to love others

And see them as you do

Strength to not get bogged down by the world

But to be so caught up in you

Author, Perfecter, Teacher, Creator too

Father you are wondrous beyond imaginable

Only thing tried and true

Bless me with the ability to lead a life that glorifies and honors you

Through humility and pain

Darkness and rain

May I love the world but not be of it to

Like you

Make me a shining example

Of your love

Through and through

For my life is not mine to own

But yours alone

Thanks cannot describe the things you've brought me through

You are my shepherd

I am your lamb

To you I yield my paw, my hand

I realize you're not through

Lead me in the path of your glory

So that my life may honor Thee

A small tribute to the cross

I cling

Eyes no longer blinded

No longer lame

No need to hide in a tree

For you my Savior

Every day dine with me

Cleanse me with your blood

Make me clean

May my life be full of days

Worthy of Thee

Grant me todays day a day worthy of Thee

Worthy of Thee

Help me instill a bit of heaven in everything

In everything

Amen.

Synagogue Years

" 'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this lifeIs the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise"~Laura Story

Wow! So yesterday I hit a low point. The Father humbled me under his mighty hand and I know in due time I will be lifted up. But this is not about me but Christ in me. Learning to let go of my will to pursue his. Paul cried many tears on the journey but God was faithful to him and he to Christ. I don't believe in running myself dry and although I learned a lot at BSF last night I truly believe that sometimes the best way we can serve is by giving our time to God. I know right now my energy and strength are low but He will never give me more than I can handle.

My mom told me "People in the church don't know how to rest, they are always substituting activity for intimacy with the Lord." While I do believe we must be active Christians like Paul I also believe that some of his actions were more about time than the activity itself. He allowed others to rest in Christ peace. I do believe that he rested as he prayed in the synagogues, but how much is talked about that in our culture? The 2 years, the few days? No, it's not but it is equally important.

Right now my way of serving God and others is through having time. We do not always have the luxury of this and this might not even be possible in your life but it never hurts to pray you'll get there. One thing that stood out that I miss so much about Laos is the face to face conversations with friends no matter the time or day, being together and living life, grading papers in a room together or reading a book as people sit around me and work on various activities.

Yes, right now, every day (well, let's be realistic almost every day)I wake up and what gets me through the day full of confusion, strife, frustration and various stresses? Jesus, Jesus gets me through. He gets me through prayer, his words, dreams and friends. All of these are his tools for right now I am in His synagogue praying for what the future holds. He humbles me continually and gives me strength reminding me that he is there always. The little blessings that bring such joy are my talks with Lao friends a far, my BSF group and a few friends here and there that I am still in the process of getting to know but are willing to take the time out for me and meet me face to face.

Too often we say serve here, serve there, serve NOW! For there will always be a need. Not there is anything wrong with this this is definitely honorable and necessary. But we forget that people need time to grow, to prepare their hearts before they burn out. In due time all should serve the church and community but in due time, because sometimes the Lord just wants us on our knees in the synagogues.

Bittersweet Days

Today I am super sad. You see the tree in the picture, well that tree is gone. It has been gone for awhile due to construction but now they took away two others. I'm such a tree hugger! I mean what can possibly be so important that we don't need trees anymore. Sufficating in the mess being created.

Today I am also starting to tutor a Chinese Doctorate student. She is really sweet but pulled an Asian idea of time on me. LOL! We were suppose to meet at 12:40 for lunch and then I would leave around 1:30 to go to class but at 12:40 she called me and said "No, I'm not here." "Where are you?" I asked. She said "In my office working what time will we meet?" Trying not to be impatient I wanted to say "Um duh hello now!" but supressing my frustration I said " Well, I thought we were going to meet now?" Her response "Oh well I am busy can we meet after lunch?" Me "Well, that won't work for me I have class till 3:30 (which ended up letting out early) How about 4pm?" "Okay" then we discussed where.

So it has just been one of those days worthy of laughs. Two hours of time today I could have waisted today but you know then again rather than being frustrated I choose to use some of it to pray. Thank you Father for giving me pain so that I can see your pain. Thank you God for frustration that keeps me on my toes and reminds me of my own flaws. Thanks for friends and families to pray for but most of all thank you for this time of being no matter how many emotions rummage through my head I know that you are more important than anything on this earth I could love. Thank you for loving me and accepting me as the wretch I am. Thank you!

Dreams

Awh How I miss Laos somedays and the laughter of innocence. During one teacher workshop my first year teaching a lady was teaching on Martin Luther King Jr. and dreams, granted she was also breaking up the lesson so that the Lao could teach it if they like. Anyways, I was discussing together with two other teachers about their dreams and how they could accomplish them. One of the teachers said "Kat, Oh I have lots of dreams and wonderful things that I think about but I mean I just could never do what he did." I turned to her and said "Why not?" She looked at me as if why was I asking the most ignorant question of all times and head jerk backed said "Duh, he was a king!" I giggled a little but tried not to too much before explaining that that was his last name. She found that so odd. Thankfully both of these teachers spoke great English so I could clear it up a little. The things we never think about until they happen, such easy misunderstandings.

Martin Luther King Jr. may not have been a king but he was a wise man. "Like anybody, I, would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now.I just want to do God's will." He understood that although he was not a King he served a greater King, the King of All Kings. We may not be queens, kings, princesses, or princes but we are in some ways because we are all God's children. He loved and created each and everyone of us for his pleasure and glory. As it talks about in Philippians 4:13 we can do all things because he gives us the strength too. Don't give up on dreams just make sure that they are not just your dreams but also the dreams he has for you. For God's plans are not man's plans(Isaiah 55:8, Proverbs 16:9) but he has far better things out there.

God's so Creative

For those of you who known me long enough you know I have always had an obsession with colors, believe that everything is somehow connected and has meaning, but I cannot always connect the dots but God can.

As I have been reading Isaiah over break I have been reminded of what a creative God we serve. He is many things Sustainer, Teacher, Friend, etc..but how often do we say creative. I mean we know he created everything, is both concrete and abstract, is the "I am" but creative as in thinks outside the box. Creative as in connects things and gives them meaning. Creative as in goes before and does things in a way that others aren't willing to try. Yeah, He's the most creative being alive!

Isaiah 1:18-Did you know that scarlet and crimson are dyes that both come from the coccus ilicis? This worm climbs a tree, lays eggs, then coats itself with reddish liquid killing itself and sealing it's offspring so that when they are born they can feed off of its body. Wow! The foreshadowing of Christ in his creation. Amazing! Read this article to know more Insects:Incredible and Inspirational

Isaiah 54:11-12 -Did you also know that sapphire is often used to describe heaven or more accurately lapis lazuli which means intensely blue. One article I read said "Stones in themselves have no power, but they do speak of the power and glory of our God."

So true- what do we reflect? We ourselves have no power but we can hope that the light shining through us reflects the power of Christ.

Isaiah 41-Even the trees he chooses to use have significance- the cypress, myrtle, olive and fir are all almost impossible to kill some because of their roots, some because of their cones or seeds but represent the everlasting one.

Then there is acacia which literally means cries or expels water only our King can truly satisfy our thirst. There is so much more ingenious displayed in his word and I am sure that I don't even know the half of it, but I know there is always more to learn from Him.

Today I am so thankful for a God who cares about the little things and is big enough to conquer even them. He cares about what interest us whether it be sports or painting, writing or sleeping, etcetera and he covers all grounds. He is truly amazing, patient and creative filled with a love that only He can give. Thank you for dying for me, loving me as I am and accepting me as your flawed daughter. May I never quit learning from your examples Lord!