Saturday, March 20, 2010

What a difference a day makes

Today I intended to wake up at 7am and start cleaning but did not realize how tired I was thankfully it was saturday and 7am turned into 1130!

Anyways I was cleaning away at my room I mean deep cleaning which can get pretty messy when a former student called "Teacher, I am coming to your house soon ok see you soon!" I quickly responded "Wait! My house is so messy..." unable to finish my train of thought she quickly responded "that is ok teacher I will help you clean." Then hung up. Mortified I began to frantically pick up as much as possible before she arrived. I was also doing laundry and that was strung all over the living room, so embarrassing. Anyways, she arrives not just her but her friend that is a guy. She proceeds into my room and tells me "Teacher go away I will clean." I monitor her from time to time as I fold clothes and put new ones out that were in the wash. At this point thankfully it wasn't too bad.

I move on to clean the bathroom and she cleans the kitchen. I guess it was nice having an extra set of hands, if only she hadn't criticized me so much "Teacher, you are an awful cleaner!" "Teacher, you should call me whenever you need to clean because you cannot do it good!" "Teacher call me before it gets so messy, ok?" I have been out of town the past 3 weekends and busy teaching. I wanted to stay at home "alone" hints the word alone but I guess the father had other plans so I decided if I cannot change things just enjoy them. I don't think I am that awful but I also felt so invaded. Just a difference in culture.

She then proceeded to invite herself for dinner by asking "Teacher, can we stay here and eat spagetti for dinner?" I said I didn't have the stuff for spagetti so we ate chicken fetticine alfredo with mushrooms. I cooked while they watched "Marley and Me" in Thai. She kept asking me if the dog was going to die then let out the wierdest cry when I finally said yes b/c it skipped over that part.

So my day with them began at 2:00pm and ended at close to 9pm with them. The girl then wanted me to explain how to use her facebook to her so I did. We talked to her boyfriend in Singapore on skype. Poor friend of hers whose name I don't know sat down all day and read through my Lao books while we cleaned, waited as his friend talked to their boyfriend, can we say "akward." Then got to go home. It was funny b/c ususally I am on the other side but today I kept working.

S said anytime she would come and help me clean after she gave me a lecture about exercising and how jogging is better for you then biking. She is like 70 pounds and never exercises does she really expect me to listen to her? Anyways I know she was happy to help but I like my privacy. I dont always want others cleaning for me. Hope I don't have to get over that. Guess it could have been worse. At least she knows I care about her, maybe too much! She told me next month when she gets a motorbike she will visit me everyday. I told her "Maybe not everyday" I mean seriously that is a little much. She told me that she was my little sister now. Which means that although she still calls me teacher she thinks of me as an older sister.

I never thought about pouring into her but my daddy is funny sometimes. It is always the people I expect the least to want to know him that are the most open. Please be asking for wisdom and discernment in my interactions. I love all my students both present and past but I have got to balance these relationships and learn how to put up some boundaries, it is just so hard when you care about so many people I dont see how He does it! Thanks father for knowing all, seeing all, and hearing all!

Monday, March 8, 2010

I sad down by the River Nang Num and cried

This weekend was amazing thanks for all your thoughts....I rediscovered some loves I forgot I had...that of reading, being outside and swimming. It had been so long since I had done any of these things..

I finished two books...

1. I sat down by the river Piedra and wept by Paulo Ceola- It was amazing. It talked about how although Abba came to earth as man our King actually has a feminine side too. How valued we all are in his eyes. It addressed many issues such as suffering, love, loneliness, longing and unity. I did not agree with everything but it got me thinking of how easily I forget all that has been given to me. May he continue to use me in my strength and weakness to bless those around me.

As I finished this book I wept. Yes, that's right. It was a needed release...it was tears of many emotions I could hardly describe..knowing I am here for the long run...missing my family...longing for a partner but yet not knowing if I am ready for that..confusion and happiness knowing that I am taken care of and only he knows the ending of my story.

2. THe Ester Effect- It tells you 7 secrets to being a modern day Ester. I thought about all of those who have been Ester's in my life both in Laos and America and how Abba has allowed me to be Ester's in many peoples lives..again may he continue to use me in weakness and/or strength

Off to the pool to read some more and relax...finished my grades...ready for the week!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Water


Water lately seems to be the theme of my life...I love Bethany Dillions song "Deliver Me" I feel like it has encompassed a lot I have learned. I put a video together...admitably not that great but I think it gives you a feel of what I am going through now. Tonight I cooked a meal for one b/c my roommate is out of town till next week..it seems delicious but as the water boiled on the noodles I was reminded of James 1:6 "but he who doubts is like a wave of the sea blown and tossed in the wind."
video
I do not doubt the father but strive to follow his commands my understanding of his ways confuses me and I struggle when things are uncertain. Lately, I think I know it all then he throws a curve ball. I wrote my newsletter twice once two weeks ago and decided it was too down and vunerable then rewrote it much clearer. I thought about posting the first one or part of it on here and then for the above reasons decided not to.

This weekend is women's day so I have an extra day off I couldn't finish all I had to get done b/c of the overwhelming thoughts that lingered in my mind. Please ask the father that as I venture to a city with a friend for the weekend that I could put my brain on a shelf and be at rest for I know he cares for me.My brain and heart are too full but his is not. Monday I will have a lot to finish so please uplift that I will have the energy and motivation to or at least the strength. Thanks friends!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Lay em down

Today I had a meeting and the song by Need to Breathe "Lay 'Em Down" kept coming to my head. I am so glad to finally be connected to the world again but you know in some ways it makes me think...what has our society come to if we don't have computers we cannot communicate...so many false realities...who even knows who reads what anymore...

B/c of this I have set a time table of 1 1/2 hours a day on the internet..it started off as 1 but I always went over so I thought I would give myself some grace...I want to keep up with people but also really live and help out others... It is funny that due to the lack of internet I had I feel that I have been able to pour into more people..I think that this will help bring balance to life of course certain things like SKYPE don't count that means telephone...I would love to catch up with anyone who so desires...

Anyways, back to main thought....Lay "Em Down..it was a comforting picture to see in my mind all my treasures floating down the river into his arms. I also thought of mosaics how something so beautiful can be made from something so ugly and broken...that is how our lives are...the mosiacs not finished..I have to continue reminding myself of this...

Also, yes I do often write when I am down...attempting to process things...so no I am not always a downer or upper(if that is a word)? I am human and just trying to figure out his greater plan like everyone else.....