June 15th

Well for the first two or three weeks I have been updating this very recently. I apologize that my posts are sporatic but I can only continue to tell you that they will be that way. I am hopefully leaving for Laos July 21st. All of my support has to be in by June 15th, that is $40,000. I am working my hardest and trusting the Father for the rest. Amazingly, even though I talk to many people, it is a really lonely process, but my Father has been emcouraging me through his Word. I will be working really hard all of May to get my support in and then we will see His plan. Hopefully though if I do not have all of it by then I will have a great deal b/c if I have to go back to working in July or August and continue to support raise it will be a really hard thing, but I trust in Him and that my Father knows what is best.

P.s.- I got my car back and so far it is okay! Horray!

Blue's Blooper Blog

Well, yet another incident to add to my on-going chaotic life. Last night my car got stuck in water and my phone was dead and I hitched a ride home and then had it towed. I hope it works but realistically it might not. I guess that is just the Fathers way of saying maybe you'll get all the funds in or I really need you to trust me because you truly almost have nothing left. I have this way of thinking up all the possibilities of things I COULD have done differently and being upset with myself but that doesn't get me anywhere. I am trying my hardest to see the bright side and hey maybe inability to drive means less outings and more support raising. Doesn't sound fun but we'll see. I am truly learning a lot. However, dad gets home tonight and I am not looking forward to that lecture. I am too tired for the criticism or critique right now. I understand he means well though so I will listen and nod. I have thought up exactly what he is going to say or most of it so I won't be as intimidated when it happens. Ta ta for now!

Children and Support

Well, crazy day! It is amazing the damage a child can do in under 5 minutes. Today I got assignments for courses that I may not even end up taking until next summer if I do not get all my funds for serving overseas in by June 15th. I thought I would get my assignment for where in Laos I am going to be. Oh well that will come in due time. I have so much to do as usual but I am hanging in there. Sometimes I think it is a good thing that I am a planner and other times I dislike that about myself. I'm tired as usual and everything seems to be a little worse when your tired. Off to read and then lights out! Hopefully, we'll see.

Children

So I nanny for an 18 month old who I will call S and an 4 month old who I will call M. S never ceases to surprise me. I forget how often I under estimate children until I challenge them. His day is fairly consistent. We have a total of 2 15 minute reading sessions, 1-2 naps depending on attitude, 2-3 free play times while I feed Maggie, a 15-30 minute puzzle session at the end of the day, 2 15 minute note card sessions, 2-3 30 minute music times and one snack/ TV time for 30 minutes. Well, lately he has been sleeping less which also allows for either art or outside. This morning I was so excited to go outside that I almost forgot to put on his shoes! I don't know who was more excited him or me?Anyways, so far he has had a pretty good day. I love how much he laughs at me. I only hope my students overseas laugh half as much. He does some of the funniest things. Although it is rough and not always the funnest job,( I could use some real interaction with people) I will miss him. The way that S sits through three sets of note cards, does the sign for please to get his way, thinks bobo and boat are the same word and always points to his bottom when he sees a picture of a boat(hey he has the sounds down). He is finally starting to talk more but I only nanny for two more weeks and it is his laughter and gestures as well as well a lot of what he does. I don't attempt to understand him, I only attempt to provide a loving home environment. Well, M is crying! She must be awake and hungry while S just went down. Story of my life! Better go!

Laughter in Poetry

As some of you know I nanny. This and raising support to serve overseas wear on me sometimes. My mother growing up always read us poetry and these are two of the poems that come to mind when I get stressed to make me laugh.

"O what shall I do
O what shall I do
This book is 42 years overdue
I'd admit that it's mine
But I can't pay the fine

Should I turn it in

Or hide it again
O what shall I do
O what shall I do"

and

"There are too many kids in this tub
There's too many elbows to scrub
I just washed a behind
I'm sure it wasn't mine
Oh there are too many kids in this tub!"

Stories

Well, I am too tired to write the story that I wanted to earlier and I realize what my mind already knew but is difficult for my heart to understand. That in todays culture or maybe just in life pieces that are so great to us will be lost, but maybe what we would have said is not that valuable. May what I say be of value and truth. Well, as of 9:26pm I end my 14 1/2 hour day with a movie "The Jane Austen Book Club."

Rambles

Just for future reference, I ramble a lot. I feel that their is so much in my head, heart and soul and yet putting it into words from figures into images and telling it like my eyes see it is near to impossible my thoughts go faster than I can write or speak making it difficult to see the inner workings of the mind, which I believe is a struggle for most. I will do my best to help you understand but there are parts of me that I do not give. Part of that is personality and I will go ahead and tell you that I love personalities, theories, psychology and one of my main goals in life is to understand where people are coming from and share the love of my Father in my actions even more than words b/c words often come out as jibberish. So may jabbers bless your soul as they do mine and if not at least give you a laugh at the melancoly INFJ who seeks to understand and better the world through love.

New Begginings

So I do not know quite where to begin my blog. Last year I closed down everything like this when I was down in an attempt to simplify my life. Sadly, though as I start back up I realize all that I have lost. You see it is not like facebook where you deactivate your account and reactivate it a hundred times from being overwhelmed only to realize that all your information is still there and only newness has been added. I guess our things are truly characteristics of our life and part of my history is gone. I only hope that someone who had read a tid bit will remember my stories, joys, sorrows and poems. I begin again because life demands it, that is not to say that I may not shut it down abruptly sometime b/c that is just how I am. I wish that I was more grounded like an olive tree, that I was more indestructable but I am not. Well, in some ways I am, others I am not. I love to tell stories and wish that I was a lot funnier than I really am but I am not. We all have many wishes that we cannot give up on. Let me finish telling you about the olive tree and then I will begin to write many stories about me.
You see I once read, in a health magazine in the eleventh grade, on my way to London, about olives. It takes at least seven hundred years to kill an olive tree. If you chop it down all of the roots will grow another tree. A single olive will also grow a tree itself if it falls on the ground. It takes a long time to grow but is virtually indestructable. That is how I feel we are, or at least I am, you see, olives fall, branches break only to grow a new one. Life is full of destruction and reconstruction ever since the begging of the earth. Sometimes I feel that life has destroyed a part of me only to realize it has done quite the opposite.