Last night as I sat at a friend's house with 20 0ther people and said goodbye to yet another friend I couldn't help but feel joy and sadness at the same time. Since coming to Laos I have a new found joy in singing hymns and an even greater joy in hearing them in another language. As people sang in Japanese, French, Madagascan, Indonesian, Irish, and a few other languages my heart was full. In such a transient place the Father has brought so many people of different cultures together to walk, talk and live life together. Could I be more blessed? But with this blessing always comes the pain that at some point people return home. Yet still I know I am never alone for He is always by my side.
Father be by my side as I teach today help me to know the best way to communicate your love and educate my students. Thanks for being my redeemer. May I live for you and not myself, loving myself as I am, your daughter. Give me strength to face today and tomorrow. Thanks for not only being my Father but friend for suffering so that I might be set free. May I not too easily forget that it is because of you I am free and that is why I am capable of anything good, for all great things come from the Father above and He gives these to those who love Him. Thanks Father.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
He is so good He's so good to me
Man our Father is so good. He allowed me to see a friend I dearly love two days in a row, have a wonderful conversation with three good friends and one more scheduled for Friday morning and a good chat with my mom. He is slowly but surely calming my anxious heart. Where He leads me I will follow.
Today I go to Pakse ( a city down south) to visit a friend from my first year here that I lived with. She is now married and has a child.Today a good friends sister will take me to the bus station. I can't wait but am also a bit nervous as I travel alone. It is so easy to have up and down's. As friendships drift away I struggle not to be sad whether it is from them or me but I am glad that we can always meet up where we left off. I have had 3 people cancel on me in the last day and a half, makes it difficult to keep trying but must persist. 6 hours with nothing to do maybe rest go for a walk then go to my friends house a bit late b/c she won't even be there.
You see I don't let too many people inside but once I do there is no escaping for you. She is one of the few I let in deep and losing this friendship will hurt if it ever gets to that point, but have I really lost it for good or can it be found? Only our Father knows.
Give me strength for the things of life that boggle me down.
On a random note I noticed that in 3 years I have never written a November post. November and December are always the hardest months emotionally for me. What does that tell you....hmmm????
Today I go to Pakse ( a city down south) to visit a friend from my first year here that I lived with. She is now married and has a child.Today a good friends sister will take me to the bus station. I can't wait but am also a bit nervous as I travel alone. It is so easy to have up and down's. As friendships drift away I struggle not to be sad whether it is from them or me but I am glad that we can always meet up where we left off. I have had 3 people cancel on me in the last day and a half, makes it difficult to keep trying but must persist. 6 hours with nothing to do maybe rest go for a walk then go to my friends house a bit late b/c she won't even be there.
You see I don't let too many people inside but once I do there is no escaping for you. She is one of the few I let in deep and losing this friendship will hurt if it ever gets to that point, but have I really lost it for good or can it be found? Only our Father knows.
Give me strength for the things of life that boggle me down.
On a random note I noticed that in 3 years I have never written a November post. November and December are always the hardest months emotionally for me. What does that tell you....hmmm????
Monday, April 11, 2011
Letting go of Fear
Vision so clear
Eyes so dear
The red of the wine
The cup from the vine
oh wine wine
so tender so sweet
Bitter
We meet
The good and the bad
Happy yet sad
My heart filled with tears
Throat chokes back
My head filled with thoughts of years
I can never get back
Yet nothing have I lost
Nothing have I gained
That is visible they say
But so much past
To gain is to lose
The ultimate blast
The clouds above me
Who knows the weather the sky holds
The balloon pushing its way
trying to understand the worlds mold
Path A or B
What do I decide
The rain or the sunshine
The fresh smelling air or the burn
Soon it is my turn
Nothing forgotten
But a feeling of loss
yet not truly losing anything
But gaining the cross
With it I will walk by His side
Father be thy guide
No matter the fear
For though art greater
My dear deer
My dear deer
Eyes so dear
The red of the wine
The cup from the vine
oh wine wine
so tender so sweet
Bitter
We meet
The good and the bad
Happy yet sad
My heart filled with tears
Throat chokes back
My head filled with thoughts of years
I can never get back
Yet nothing have I lost
Nothing have I gained
That is visible they say
But so much past
To gain is to lose
The ultimate blast
The clouds above me
Who knows the weather the sky holds
The balloon pushing its way
trying to understand the worlds mold
Path A or B
What do I decide
The rain or the sunshine
The fresh smelling air or the burn
Soon it is my turn
Nothing forgotten
But a feeling of loss
yet not truly losing anything
But gaining the cross
With it I will walk by His side
Father be thy guide
No matter the fear
For though art greater
My dear deer
My dear deer
Lost in Translation
So here are a few of the sentences/phrases that got lost in translation on my student's test.
1. We were learning the difference between homophones (words that sound the same and might even look the same but have different meanings) so they had to write a sentence or a definition to tell me they knew the difference. Here are a few answers they came up with.
Dear- a husband; to mom ; my preesent
Waste-not wise; to spill things up; to use a lot; waste typing; making time unpreciously
Waist-half of the body( the outside); make time slower
Dye- S's mom(so saying a parents name here is like cursing. This particular student can't stand this other kid, doesn't make it right but hey 10-12 year old are mischievous. )
Flour- I can clean the flour?
2. We were working on using indefinite pronouns (someone, anyone, no one, etc). These are the sentences they came up with.
Someone is in the toilet( I got this one a lot)
Can I like somebody?
I want nobody nobody on you (this is from a song but the actual words are I want nobody nobody but you)
So the other day I was trying to learn how to say couple or match and it is the same word as rest but a little different (like so many of Lao words, unfortunately no matter how hard I try they all seem to sound the same). Anyways, it made me laugh 4 expats standing around trying to say it and one Lao person trying to help us understand the difference. I began to laugh because I thought of how funny , if I were Lao, it would probably sound to me and what it would be like if our roles were reversed.
Learning Lao has taught me how to have patience and empathize with my students also to understand why they make the errors they do in English. I am so thankful for laughter, friends, teachers and patience. May I never quit learning until the day I die for there is so much potential in everyone and thing yet to be discovered.
1. We were learning the difference between homophones (words that sound the same and might even look the same but have different meanings) so they had to write a sentence or a definition to tell me they knew the difference. Here are a few answers they came up with.
Dear- a husband; to mom ; my preesent
Waste-not wise; to spill things up; to use a lot; waste typing; making time unpreciously
Waist-half of the body( the outside); make time slower
Dye- S's mom(so saying a parents name here is like cursing. This particular student can't stand this other kid, doesn't make it right but hey 10-12 year old are mischievous. )
Flour- I can clean the flour?
2. We were working on using indefinite pronouns (someone, anyone, no one, etc). These are the sentences they came up with.
Someone is in the toilet( I got this one a lot)
Can I like somebody?
I want nobody nobody on you (this is from a song but the actual words are I want nobody nobody but you)
So the other day I was trying to learn how to say couple or match and it is the same word as rest but a little different (like so many of Lao words, unfortunately no matter how hard I try they all seem to sound the same). Anyways, it made me laugh 4 expats standing around trying to say it and one Lao person trying to help us understand the difference. I began to laugh because I thought of how funny , if I were Lao, it would probably sound to me and what it would be like if our roles were reversed.
Learning Lao has taught me how to have patience and empathize with my students also to understand why they make the errors they do in English. I am so thankful for laughter, friends, teachers and patience. May I never quit learning until the day I die for there is so much potential in everyone and thing yet to be discovered.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Right and Wrong
So I think a lot about these things and struggle with similarities and differences. Right now the stage of life I am in has so many possibilities but also feels so limited if only I knew the RIGHT possibility. The most glorifying one to my Father but I don't. I screw up daily and the burden wages on me. Why aren't things in his word more black and white? It is because he cares about his creation He wants us to be able to trust in Him on our own just as I want my students to trust that I have their best interest in mind and am okay with them questioning things if it means that they have further understanding of the subject to which they are studying.
As I was reading today about grace and mercy(click here) and trying to remember the difference I came across this revelation. We can have grace even if we are good but mercy only comes after having done something wrong. Grace has nothing to do with our actions and everything to do with His but mercy has everything to do with our actions and then his forgiveness.Mercy is more me focused where Grace is more Father centered, at least that is what I understood.
Today I also watched something that really got me thinking. It is so easy to be legalistic and have all or nothing but that is not how our Father sees things He gives us choices because He trust us. It's okay to have or do things as long as they never overcome our love or replace our love for Him. He will protect us if we listen and follow Him. Even those that don't know Him can sometimes say or do profound things. As long as I am not rewriting His word and cautious as I proceed with things in life He will take care of me no matter how hard the road ahead seems He knows me better than I will ever know myself and in His hands tonight I rest.
As I was reading today about grace and mercy(click here) and trying to remember the difference I came across this revelation. We can have grace even if we are good but mercy only comes after having done something wrong. Grace has nothing to do with our actions and everything to do with His but mercy has everything to do with our actions and then his forgiveness.Mercy is more me focused where Grace is more Father centered, at least that is what I understood.
Today I also watched something that really got me thinking. It is so easy to be legalistic and have all or nothing but that is not how our Father sees things He gives us choices because He trust us. It's okay to have or do things as long as they never overcome our love or replace our love for Him. He will protect us if we listen and follow Him. Even those that don't know Him can sometimes say or do profound things. As long as I am not rewriting His word and cautious as I proceed with things in life He will take care of me no matter how hard the road ahead seems He knows me better than I will ever know myself and in His hands tonight I rest.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
How do I love Thee
How do I love Thee? Let me count the ways. Not very well I must say. These past two weeks we have been studying love and wow how much I thought I loved to how much I really love and what I love. I love Saint Francis words in this song below.
Make me a channel of your peace.
Where there is hatred let me bring your love;
Where there is injury your pardon, Lord;
And where there's doubt true faith in you.
Refrain:
Oh, Master grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love with all my soul.
Make me a channel of your peace.
Where there's despair in life let me bring hope;
Where there is darkness, only light;
And where there's sadness, ever joy.
Refrain
Make me a channel of your peace.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
In giving to all men that we receive;
And in dying that we're born to eternal life.
Refrain
The chorus is his prayer(I think?) but all the words are wonderful. Lately I have felt (maybe it is a bit cynical) that while Japan does need our help (don't get me wrong) it is so easy to forget our neighbors and hide behind the worlds problems and never face our own or help those around us. While I do believe we should be helping Japan I also believe that we need to be more aware of those around us. I was always taught if we cannot reach out to those closest to us (whether emotionally or literal proximity) how can we reach out to the world. I am coming out of a hard time (at least I hope) but know so many more who are in one and wonder who will be there channels if not the body?
I encourage you to ask one person (whom you feel comfortable asking) how can I lift you up today or ask the Father to put someone on your heart for we are all in need of a friend sometimes whether in Laos, New Zealand, America, Africa,Japan or anywhere else scattered throughout the nations may you feel the Lord's presence and may your heart be touched with peace that passes understanding.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Lyrics and Limericks
So I know I am not very good at updating this but am trying to be better and you might be thinking two posts in one day! Really? But it is worth it you see today I had my students write in their journals (they do this every day I am the only one who reads them though they are quite funny sometimes) anyways they had to write their favorite song down and why. Usually they scoff and scowl but today no complaints. Upon reading them I found it interesting. Why does music capture every one's soul and in such different ways? A song that has come to mind lately for me is
If I could just sit with you awhile by Mercy Me it goes like this:
If I could just sit with You awhile, If You could just hold me, Nothing can touch me,though I'm wounded though I died If I could just sit with You awhile, I need You to hold me, Moment by moment 'till forever passes by
When I can not feel, When my wounds don't heal, Lord I humbly kneel, Hidden in You, Lord you are my life, So I don't mind to die, Just as long as I, Am hidden in You
If I could just sit with You awhile, If You could just hold me, Nothing can touch me,though I'm wounded though I died If I could just sit with You awhile, I need You to hold me, Moment by moment 'till forever passes by
When I know I have sinned, and I could have been, Crying out my God, and hidden in you ,Lord I need you now, more than I know how, so I humbly bow, hidden in you
If I could just sit with You awhile, If You could just hold me, Nothing can touch me,though I'm wounded though I died If I could just sit with You awhile, I need You to hold me, Moment by moment 'till forever passes by, moment by moment 'till forever passes by,moment by moment 'till forever passes by
SO why do these lyrics speak to me? The only consistently in life is change that and my Father. I am such a touchy feelly person living in a non-emotional world that I need that sensation. I actually crave it sometimes just to feel close to something. Life with the Father isn't easy but I truly believe Edith Wharton was a wise women when she said "Where there is great love there is always miracles." If nothing else Laos has taught me this and although I don't always get the results I desire He delivers more than I could ask for
I have been reading Chronicles of Avon lea (actually listening to them) and oh how I wish I had all the wonder of Anne. I do cherish her thoughts and innocence or rather purity and bias. Today it rained. I love the smell I even said
" I love the smell of rain. It's just so glorious. I think if it always smelled like rain every day I could never be sad because it's too wonderful of a thing to be sad over." this with Anne in mind(not rain itself but the smell)
Another random quote from the night "Occasionally I discover America"
In closing I love music for it pricks at my very soul just like little Felix with his violin he played what he felt by those he was around so music evokes, represents, helps us to express our moods in ways we might not be able to ourselves verbally just like writing, prose and poems do for me .
I talk a lot but I often fumble over my words it is only in writing that I actually find clarity and have confidence.
Thank you Father for the rain. Rain of soul. Season of Rain. The bitter sweet hurt of Pain. The understanding I may never gain but know I am hidden in You! Thanks so much for this blessing and that of Internet. A story for another day!
If I could just sit with you awhile by Mercy Me it goes like this:
If I could just sit with You awhile, If You could just hold me, Nothing can touch me,though I'm wounded though I died If I could just sit with You awhile, I need You to hold me, Moment by moment 'till forever passes by
When I can not feel, When my wounds don't heal, Lord I humbly kneel, Hidden in You, Lord you are my life, So I don't mind to die, Just as long as I, Am hidden in You
If I could just sit with You awhile, If You could just hold me, Nothing can touch me,though I'm wounded though I died If I could just sit with You awhile, I need You to hold me, Moment by moment 'till forever passes by
When I know I have sinned, and I could have been, Crying out my God, and hidden in you ,Lord I need you now, more than I know how, so I humbly bow, hidden in you
If I could just sit with You awhile, If You could just hold me, Nothing can touch me,though I'm wounded though I died If I could just sit with You awhile, I need You to hold me, Moment by moment 'till forever passes by, moment by moment 'till forever passes by,moment by moment 'till forever passes by
SO why do these lyrics speak to me? The only consistently in life is change that and my Father. I am such a touchy feelly person living in a non-emotional world that I need that sensation. I actually crave it sometimes just to feel close to something. Life with the Father isn't easy but I truly believe Edith Wharton was a wise women when she said "Where there is great love there is always miracles." If nothing else Laos has taught me this and although I don't always get the results I desire He delivers more than I could ask for
I have been reading Chronicles of Avon lea (actually listening to them) and oh how I wish I had all the wonder of Anne. I do cherish her thoughts and innocence or rather purity and bias. Today it rained. I love the smell I even said
" I love the smell of rain. It's just so glorious. I think if it always smelled like rain every day I could never be sad because it's too wonderful of a thing to be sad over." this with Anne in mind(not rain itself but the smell)
Another random quote from the night "Occasionally I discover America"
In closing I love music for it pricks at my very soul just like little Felix with his violin he played what he felt by those he was around so music evokes, represents, helps us to express our moods in ways we might not be able to ourselves verbally just like writing, prose and poems do for me .
I talk a lot but I often fumble over my words it is only in writing that I actually find clarity and have confidence.
Thank you Father for the rain. Rain of soul. Season of Rain. The bitter sweet hurt of Pain. The understanding I may never gain but know I am hidden in You! Thanks so much for this blessing and that of Internet. A story for another day!
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