Right and Wrong

So I think a lot about these things and struggle with similarities and differences. Right now the stage of life I am in has so many possibilities but also feels so limited if only I knew the RIGHT possibility. The most glorifying one to my Father but I don't. I screw up daily and the burden wages on me. Why aren't things in his word more black and white? It is because he cares about his creation He wants us to be able to trust in Him on our own just as I want my students to trust that I have their best interest in mind and am okay with them questioning things if it means that they have further understanding of the subject to which they are studying.

As I was reading today about grace and mercy(click here) and trying to remember the difference I came across this revelation. We can have grace even if we are good but mercy only comes after having done something wrong. Grace has nothing to do with our actions and everything to do with His but mercy has everything to do with our actions and then his forgiveness.Mercy is more me focused where Grace is more Father centered, at least that is what I understood.

Today I also watched something that really got me thinking. It is so easy to be legalistic and have all or nothing but that is not how our Father sees things He gives us choices because He trust us. It's okay to have or do things as long as they never overcome our love or replace our love for Him. He will protect us if we listen and follow Him. Even those that don't know Him can sometimes say or do profound things. As long as I am not rewriting His word and cautious as I proceed with things in life He will take care of me no matter how hard the road ahead seems He knows me better than I will ever know myself and in His hands tonight I rest.

How do I love Thee

How do I love Thee? Let me count the ways. Not very well I must say. These past two weeks we have been studying love and wow how much I thought I loved to how much I really love and what I love. I love Saint Francis words in this song below.

Make me a channel of your peace.
Where there is hatred let me bring your love;
Where there is injury your pardon, Lord;
And where there's doubt true faith in you.

Refrain:
Oh, Master grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love with all my soul.

Make me a channel of your peace.
Where there's despair in life let me bring hope;
Where there is darkness, only light;
And where there's sadness, ever joy.

Refrain

Make me a channel of your peace.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
In giving to all men that we receive;
And in dying that we're born to eternal life.

Refrain

The chorus is his prayer(I think?) but all the words are wonderful. Lately I have felt (maybe it is a bit cynical) that while Japan does need our help (don't get me wrong) it is so easy to forget our neighbors and hide behind the worlds problems and never face our own or help those around us. While I do believe we should be helping Japan I also believe that we need to be more aware of those around us. I was always taught if we cannot reach out to those closest to us (whether emotionally or literal proximity) how can we reach out to the world. I am coming out of a hard time (at least I hope) but know so many more who are in one and wonder who will be there channels if not the body?

I encourage you to ask one person (whom you feel comfortable asking) how can I lift you up today or ask the Father to put someone on your heart for we are all in need of a friend sometimes whether in Laos, New Zealand, America, Africa,Japan or anywhere else scattered throughout the nations may you feel the Lord's presence and may your heart be touched with peace that passes understanding.

Lyrics and Limericks

So I know I am not very good at updating this but am trying to be better and you might be thinking two posts in one day! Really? But it is worth it you see today I had my students write in their journals (they do this every day I am the only one who reads them though they are quite funny sometimes) anyways they had to write their favorite song down and why. Usually they scoff and scowl but today no complaints. Upon reading them I found it interesting. Why does music capture every one's soul and in such different ways? A song that has come to mind lately for me is

If I could just sit with you awhile by Mercy Me it goes like this:

If I could just sit with You awhile, If You could just hold me, Nothing can touch me,though I'm wounded though I died If I could just sit with You awhile, I need You to hold me, Moment by moment 'till forever passes by

When I can not feel, When my wounds don't heal, Lord I humbly kneel, Hidden in You, Lord you are my life, So I don't mind to die, Just as long as I, Am hidden in You

If I could just sit with You awhile, If You could just hold me, Nothing can touch me,though I'm wounded though I died If I could just sit with You awhile, I need You to hold me, Moment by moment 'till forever passes by

When I know I have sinned, and I could have been, Crying out my God, and hidden in you ,Lord I need you now, more than I know how, so I humbly bow, hidden in you


If I could just sit with You awhile, If You could just hold me, Nothing can touch me,though I'm wounded though I died If I could just sit with You awhile, I need You to hold me, Moment by moment 'till forever passes by, moment by moment 'till forever passes by,moment by moment 'till forever passes by

SO why do these lyrics speak to me? The only consistently in life is change that and my Father. I am such a touchy feelly person living in a non-emotional world that I need that sensation. I actually crave it sometimes just to feel close to something. Life with the Father isn't easy but I truly believe Edith Wharton was a wise women when she said "Where there is great love there is always miracles." If nothing else Laos has taught me this and although I don't always get the results I desire He delivers more than I could ask for

I have been reading Chronicles of Avon lea (actually listening to them) and oh how I wish I had all the wonder of Anne. I do cherish her thoughts and innocence or rather purity and bias. Today it rained. I love the smell I even said

" I love the smell of rain. It's just so glorious. I think if it always smelled like rain every day I could never be sad because it's too wonderful of a thing to be sad over." this with Anne in mind(not rain itself but the smell)

Another random quote from the night "Occasionally I discover America"

In closing I love music for it pricks at my very soul just like little Felix with his violin he played what he felt by those he was around so music evokes, represents, helps us to express our moods in ways we might not be able to ourselves verbally just like writing, prose and poems do for me .
I talk a lot but I often fumble over my words it is only in writing that I actually find clarity and have confidence.

Thank you Father for the rain. Rain of soul. Season of Rain. The bitter sweet hurt of Pain. The understanding I may never gain but know I am hidden in You! Thanks so much for this blessing and that of Internet. A story for another day!

Life apart from life but life none the less

Wow! Right now I am at an extremely intense point in my life. Not that I'm not usually intense but more than normal. I have so many thoughts circling inside my brain like a spider web falling apart then rebuilding itself only to see another gap in the design I have made , wondering what pattern He is trying to create. But I will not give into this world and its pressures for He is on my side.

I love Laos but I miss my family dearly. I have given up facebook for lent in order to spend more time in my Father's arms. I need to feel wrapped in His presence like never before. Life is full of tough moments. Do I eat the flies or let them go? Is it a butterfly appearing or just another worm? Right now honestly I don't know but I do know He has been good to me and is good even if I don't comprehend the chain ahead of me. I will try to update this every week if not ever other. Feel free to follow along in my journey out of the abyss and into the peace of the heaven on earth.

Please be praying for

~Clarity in my future and that during these next six weeks I would grow in my love for Him and others in a way that I never thought possible. That my heart would stay mold able, teachable, humble and not fall into temptation but delivered from evil for my kingdom is on earth right now and to my ruler be the glory at the end of this battle I wage inside.

~That my path would be straightened-Father thanks for saving me even though I do not understand why you would choose such a wretch like me and allow others to die, but I do know you are good and just and this I must accept for I will never fully grasp your ways but I will acknowledge you Father. Please make my path straight.